Estate agent-speak is known the world over. Houses that were last decorated in 1923 might get passed off as ‘character properties’. At Henry & James, we try to avoid jargon and write property particulars in plain English. But no estate agent can entirely escape these phrases. Here, tendered in a light-hearted spirit, are some examples of estate agent-speak of which house-hunters should beware.
1. Estate agent-speak: conveniently located.
Translation: next door to a burger bar/off-licence/bookmakers.
2. Estate agent-speak: competitively priced for an early sale.
Translation: nobody has shown the slightest interest in the property, and the owner is desperate.
3. Estate agent-speak: benefiting from excellent transport links.
Translation: the garden backs on to the District Line.
4. Estate agent-speak: a wealth of character features.
Translation: small windows, low ceilings and naff light fittings in the kitchen.
5. Estate agent-speak: well-arranged living space.
Translation: small and poky. If you tried swinging a cat in the master bedroom, you might have a dead cat on your hands.
6. Estate agent-speak: at the heart of a vibrant community.
Translation: directly opposite the noisiest nightclub in town.
7. Estate agent-speak: the perfect buy-to-let investment.
Translation: not somewhere you would want to live yourself, but you might strike lucky with a tenant.
8. Estate agent-speak: within walking distance of Harrods.
Translation: In an Ealing cul-de-sac.
9. Estate agent-speak: perfect for anyone looking for a project.
Translation: only those with the skills of a TV property presenter should apply.
10. Estate agent-speak: needs a little TLC.
Translation: you can be sure that it will need more than TLC and probably a small fortune spent on it. Good luck!
Not all estate agents use these phrases, but you might be surprised how many appear in sales particulars. If you catch us murdering the English language in this way, or slipping into inane euphemisms, just tell us. Buying and selling property is far too important to be muddled by jargon.Back to News